Falling in love with the land

The pleasure and pain of a new relationship

Welcome to Meaningful Mondays! Every week, I share what feels true and useful to me. I am passionate about systems change and the nervous system, sacredness and purposeful living, among other things.

In the circles I’ve moved in, almost nothing has been said about having a relationship with the land: the specific piece of the Earth where you live. This seems like a huge cultural blindspot.

In the context of my religion, this is part of cultivating a relationship with the Goddess. It is so important for us to connect to the Goddess precisely because we have lost our connection to the land. That loss is destroying both humans and the land.

The good news about having a relationship with the land is that you are totally welcome, however you are. You don’t need to believe in a Goddess. You don’t need to be spiritual at all. You don’t need to be happy, or wise, or even ‘presentable’.

When you feel like reaching out to her, you just need to show up. Over time, her love may make you want to do more things to honour her. But you are always, always welcome as you are. Lean against a tree, step into a stream, or stand barefoot on a patch of grass. See if you don’t feel a little bit more loved and at home.

Three marriages

Jewels Wingfield told me about the proper order of marriages: first, to yourself; second, to the land; third, if you want, to another person.

I think people interested in self-development and self-actualisation get stuck because we miss out the second marriage. We have a cultural assumption that once our trauma is sufficiently healed, we will be able to create a wonderful romantic relationship. If we are failing to make a relationship work, the tendency is to assume we need to do more self-work. What if that isn’t true? What if the missing piece is a deep, embodied, sensual, loving relationship with our piece of earth?

An illuminating choice

I recently had a clear choice between my budding relationship with the land here in Bristol, and a promising romantic partnership with someone living a long way away. This was a significant and difficult decision to make.

I met Yaniv online at the end of last year. He reached out, looking to collaborate on a workshop here in Bristol, which he was due to visit this Spring. We got on well. When we met in person on 1 March, it was apparent that something more than friendship was available between us. We only had a couple of weeks to explore things, but we were both deeply impacted by what we experienced together.

With Yaniv, I felt welcome in many facets of myself that do not normally get met. My heart opened, as I saw more and more beauty and goodness in him. Getting closer to Neev was like approaching the edge of a cliff overlooking a vast and luscious landscape far below: terrifying and exhilirating in equal measure. I knew that a relationship with him would take me places I’d never been. So, despite both of us wanting to avoid a long distance relationship, by the time he left the UK we had decided to give it a go. This was just too special to say no to.

I feel very tender, when I look at these smiles…

Love and attraction abounded between us. Even at distance, communication was mostly straightforward and satisfying. We enjoyed repairing the little ruptures that arose in the wake of miscommunication or low capacity. We wanted the same thing: a meaningful, supportive, adventurous, liberating, creative partnership that would eventually be in the same geographical location.

This new relationship offered everything I’ve thought I wanted in a romantic partnership. Yet, if it continued to grow, I would eventually have to leave Bristol, because we both knew that Neev didn’t want to live here.

For almost two months, we grew our loving connection, and it was wonderful. I knew that the next step was to visit him in Pai, Thailand. I had dates in mind and had researched flights. I was about to push the button, but I didn’t quite feel ready. I went away for a week, planning to book when I got home.

I was staying in the Forest of Dean, not far from Bristol. I was camping, sleeping on the ground. It was freezing - literally, I woke up with an icy tent one morning! A knowing crept up from the ground into my bones that it wasn’t going to work out with Yaniv. In the frosty dawns, it became clear that pursuing this love would be a betrayal of something that I was just discovering mattered more.

When I imagined leaving Bristol, I felt bereft. It was like a broken heart, like life lost its meaning. I’ve never felt this about a place before. I only moved here last summer. I haven’t been settled long enough to make solid friendships or find a close community. It was the land that called me here in the first place, and it is the land to which I feel devoted.

I fantasised about Neev moving to Bristol, but I knew there was almost no chance of that happening. In choosing the land, I had to accept that I would lose this love that was making me happier than I’d been in a while. When I got home, I shared the painful news and we dealt with it as we had to. He told me that he, too, is in love with the land where he lives. That, at least, felt like a connection between us that would survive the end of our romance.

Loving the land

Having chosen land over human love, my attention is on cultivating this relationship with my land with the focus I have given to romance. I try to be with her every day. I dance, walk and run over her. Yesterday, I made her an offering and then I lay down and cried and cried, I don’t know why. It felt like a homecoming and a heartbreak for all the years I’ve been disconnected.

I won’t be able to write on Mondays for the rest of the month. I’m going on a meditation retreat, practising to cultivate states of pleasure and joy. Although I stopped my daily practice, I am really looking forward to practising with others.

See you in June! Sorry I didn’t talk about the working with the spine, as I intended to. Another time.

With love,

Robin

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These are my upcoming workshops.

Fierce Love: Monday 13th May at Gasworks Studio, 7-9.30pm. *Sold out, contact me if you want to be on the wait list*

Robin, Ági and Becky invite all women* to come and plant the seeds of a new story about anger. We will inspire each other with myths and images of righteous, even divine anger. We will hold space for each woman to share her truth about anger. You will be witnessed and met with acceptance and optional consensual touch. We will invite you into the heart of your anger, to discover and express what you are longing for. Together, we will allow anger to light a fire of creative and loving transformation.

*All women are welcome, as well as others called to the feminine. Feel free to get in touch with any questions.

More information and booking here.

Circling: The next event is on Friday 17th May at Yogasara, Bristol. All sessions are open to beginners and those with experience. You can book a place for circling here.

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I sometimes coach individuals who know they have something beautiful to offer the world and want a little help to fully realise their potential. Please take a look at my website and get in touch if you want to work with me.

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